Episode 5 - Tinfoil Cap Conspiracy Theories

Hello Shakespeareans and welcome to the Sonnets Podcast.  This is Episode 5 - Tinfoil Cap Conspiracy Theories.

Years back, I was in Dallas, Texas visiting some family.  I decided to play tourist and go to Dealy Plaza where President Kennedy was assassinated.  The line to the museum observatory was too long, but I still got to examine the crime scene.  In case you’ve never seen it, there’s two enormous yellow exes on the road where JFK took bullets and the Grassy Knoll is, well, right there.

We may never know Lee Harvey Oswald’s true motive or whether or not he was a lone gunman, but it’s hard not to think the whole thing was a conspiracy.  If you don’t believe me, I recommend watching Oliver Stone’s “JFK.”  Now, obviously, some of it is pure fiction, at least by my judgment, but it still feels like there’s something there.  I’ve read dozens of Kennedy Assassination theories online.  Even if they aren’t the truth, they’re still good entertainment.

Now, why do I start this episode of the podcast with one of the most famous conspiracy theories in history?  Well, for one, I like conspiracy theories.  I’m the type that’s always digging for something deeper.  My ability to question established facts and look at institutionalized ideas with open eyes has been a huge asset many times in my life.  But, I’m not gullible, at least I hope not.  I don’t think of myself as the type of sucker who’s willing to accept any conspiracy theory.  Seriously, no.  That’s not me.  There are plenty of conspiracies that I think are rubbish, and I discard them immediately.

Now, maybe you know where this is going.  Shakespeare’s authorship is the source of countless conspiracies.  And, let me lead off by saying I don’t believe any of them.  Neither do most Shakespearean scholars.  Having said that, there’s a fringe group that’s nominated 80 different candidates.  For a variety of reasons, they believe Shakespeare wasn’t learned enough to be a great playwright and that someone else needed to be anonymous.  Simply put, there’s nothing much to support this.  In total, their overriding argument is that Shakespeare, the son of a glover, couldn’t have been a prolific writer.

Years back, Hollywood pooped out a movie called “Anonymous” based on one of these conspiracy theories.  It was a stupid idea for a movie, and I don’t know what they were thinking.  Shakespeare movies usually do poorly in the box office anyway.  And an anti-Shakespeare movie?  Ha!  I never watched that flop, and, most likely, neither did you.  Good riddance.

For anyone who wants to look, there’s plenty of evidence to support that Shakespeare was indeed Shakespeare.  First off, everyone in Shakespeare’s time thought he was the real deal.  This included other writers.  If Shakespeare was just a front man, I don’t see how it could have been kept a secret.  

The main reason is: the actors.  When an actor has a question on how to deliver a line, they often ask the writer.  If Shakespeare was just the money man, it would immediately be apparent to just about any actor.  “Hey Will, that line, Now is the Winter of my Discontent...What does that mean?”  If Shakespeare responded with, “Uh?  Uh?  Uhhh???,” he’d immediately out himself as a fraud.  So yeah.  Actors would be the first to know.

The authorship conspiracists need to explain how and why they’d keep this secret?  I’m sure plenty of Renaissance actors changed companies.  These guys definitely ran in the same circles.  Are they expecting me to believe that no one ever talked?  Sorry.  No.  I completely believe that Shakespeare was actually Shakespeare.  Anything else is fanboy fiction.  I honestly don’t care if someone else wants to concoct an idea like that, but don’t expect me to pay any attention.

Now, I know what you’re thinking and yes, I’ve been working towards this.  I know your question because it’s my question too.  My idea that there’s a Secret Structure in the Sonnets: isn’t that a conspiracy theory as well?  The correct answer is yes.  Alas, yes.  100%, it qualifies.

However, I don’t care that my theory can be classified as a conspiracy.  I just don’t want to get lumped in with the authorship crowd because I reject their ideas.  Conversely, I also accept that I don’t actually get to control this.  I am certain that plenty of scholars will stuff me in with the Shakespeare-was-just-a-frontman-cabal.  Oh well.  If this is my final destination, I just hope there’s knee room on the plane.

I do want to say, though, before I move on though, there’s a huge difference between my idea and theirs.  Namely, mine is merely focused on what’s actually in the text.  Theirs isn’t.  This is a key distinction, and that’s all I want to say about that.

Unfortunately though, I can’t move on completely.  I absolutely have some explaining to do.  Namely, why was the Secret Structure a secret?  Why did no one tell?  How could no one share this idea?  Wouldn’t Shakespeare have wanted others to know?  The Structure would have been a unique and amazing accomplishment; wouldn’t he have desired full credit for his achievement?

Well, we won’t ever know the full truth.  Shakespeare is dead and I’m the first person to ever see this new way of reading the poems.  So, I guess it’s up to me to publish some plausible theories.  If Shakespeare really created a Structure for the Sonnets, why didn’t he talk?

Well, it’s tinfoil cap time, and I’m going to give you my best guesses.  You can decide if any of these are plausible or possible.  Okay, wait.  Just give me a second.  I’m actually donning a real tinfoil cap.  Okay.  I’m ready.  Are you?  Here are four conspiracy theories.  I’m gonna start with the most plausible, and work towards the most ridiculous.  I’d call this a countdown, but since we’re starting at one, it’s more a count-up.

So, number one.  My top reason that the Structure remained a secret.  First up.  Here it is: I don’t think Shakespeare cared.  Yeah.  That’s right.  I don’t think sharing this secret design was important to him.  Now, this may sound silly at first, but it isn’t.  Let’s remember that Shakespeare didn’t care about his Complete Works.  When Shakespeare died, Macbeth, Twelfth Night, and 16 other plays were unpublished.  As far as Shakespeare would have known, it’s likely they would have stayed unpublished.  This meant they would have been lost to time and not have survived.  Shakespeare had to know that without getting published, those plays were as good as gone.  But, he did nothing.  He just retired and died and didn’t seem too concerned with his legacy.

So, here’s my question to you?  If Shakespeare didn’t think enough of 18 plays to make sure they’d survive, why would he care about revealing the Secret Structure in the Sonnets?

Now, we’re working towards a huge “Why?”  Why didn’t Shakespeare care?  On one hand, Shakespeare is the greatest writer in the history of English.  On the other hand, he also seems to not have been too concerned with posterity.  He certainly didn’t show much interest in saving his work.  For most of us, this is hard to believe.  I’m no famous writer, but I’ve written a lot and I make sure to keep the good stuff.  I don’t think anyone will be studying my words in 400 years, but it’s important to me to not lose my writings.  Personally, it’s part of who I am.  To Shakespeare however, there’s sufficient evidence to suggest that to him posterity wasn’t important.

Maybe Shakespeare underestimated his talents, but this seems unlikely.  So, this is my most plausible theory and it paints a most perplexing picture.  Shakespeare: Who the heck were you?  The great writer who didn’t care.  This is hard to accept.  

To further support this theory, with the exception of Henry V, Shakespeare never told the audience about his act breaks.  I’m guessing that on stage he didn’t feel the need to show this.  If the Structure improved the reading experience of The Sonnets, great, but he didn’t need to explain it.  If Shakespeare wasn’t obvious with the structure of his plays, why would he be obvious with the structure of his sonnet sequence?  In the Globe Theater, when a play premiered, the audience wouldn’t be able to know when an act ended or began.  The scenes changed and the play just went on.  Maybe Shakespeare took the same approach here.

Ok.  So that’s my best theory.  Maybe you like it, maybe not.  Either way, I’m moving on to my second most plausible conspiracy theory.  Are you ready?  Here we go.

Number Two: Maybe Shakespeare’s Sonnets was a private work never intended for mass publication.  And, as such, maybe the writer, this being Shakespeare, had no interest in explaining the Sonnets to the public.  It’s been long suspected that the 1609 publication was unauthorized.  So, let’s run with that.  If Shakespeare wrote the Sonnets for just himself and a few friends, and then a pirated copy was printed for the masses, why would he explain anything?  Shakespeare didn’t tell us the real identity of the Young Man or the Dark Lady.  Why would he reveal other personal details?  If the Sonnets were meant to be private, by saying nothing, he kept them private.

Now, let’s postulate on his real-life friends.  Would they have known?  Maybe?  Possibly?  Certainly?  Could depend on the friend.  So let’s pretend ten to twenty friends knew.  Not just the Structure, but the backstory of the sonnets themselves.  They knew everything - what really happened.  They knew what inspired each and every one of the 154 poems.

So let’s ask ourselves a question.  What did these friends pass down to history?  The answer is nothing.  Maybe out of respect to their friend, they kept quiet.  If Shakespeare wanted privacy, maybe they made sure he got it.

Is this plausible?  I guess.  The backstory of the Sonnets has been debated for a long time, and no one’s ever come up with anything certifiable.  If Shakespeare and his friends were able to hide the true story, then hiding the Structure isn’t that hard to imagine.  Maybe knowledge of the Structure was passed down to friends and children for a few generations.  Who knows when the secrets were actually lost?  Maybe it took 50 to 100 years.  Regardless, if Shakespeare’s aim was to maintain his privacy, he did a very good job of achieving that goal.

So that’s my second most plausible conspiracy theory.  We’ve got two more, but what do you think so far?  Am I crazy?  Delusional?  Brilliant?  Thought-provoking?  I’m fine with any descriptive adjective you want to pick as long as it isn’t “boring.”

My third most likely conspiracy theory is that Shakespeare thought he fell short.  Currently, the poems are judged individually, in groups, or as a complete work.  Maybe that was enough, and he didn’t want to be judged in a different way.  He could have easily thought this would lead to tough scrutiny.

If Shakespeare said, “look at this brilliant formating idea,” and then readers saw flaws in the execution of the Structure, then Shakespeare would actually be diminishing his own work.  How does that benefit him and doesn’t that detract from what’s otherwise a timeless piece of writing?  If people don’t know about the Structure, then they can’t judge it.  Furthermore, the Structure could draw attention away from the individual poems.  We may find the Structure fascinating, but Shakespeare may have feared it would be a distraction.

This theory is actually supported by the text.  In Section 11, the Narrator states just this many times.  I covered this more in depth in Episode 3.  The gist is that he felt the Structure has a thousand flaws, and he didn’t want them to be exposed.  Now, since this is actually in the text, you might wonder why I’m ranking this idea number 3, and not number one.  The reason is actually pretty simple: I don’t trust the Narrator.  The main character in The Sonnets is many things, but reliable is not one of them.  He lies to everyone: the man, the woman, the reader, and himself.  I find it hard to trust him.  And, that’s okay.  It’s just that I personally struggle to believe anything the narrator says.  This theory has merit, but I find it harder to believe he didn’t tell his friends or act apathetic.  You may disagree, and that’s fine.

So that’s number three.  My fourth conspiracy is definitely the least plausible, but hey I gotta put in at least one wacky idea.  Okay.  Are you ready?  Then, let’s go.

Number Four: Maybe Shakespeare wanted the Structure to be an Easter Egg.  The idea is that Shakespeare understood his greatness, and he knew his poetry would be around for “as long as men can breathe and eyes can see.”  This was a test, for us, his readers.  He put something in plain sight and let the future decide who would find it.

Shakespeare couldn’t have known it would take 400 years, but, hey, it’s finally happened.   Shakespeare bequeathed his readers a puzzle and someone has finally solved it.  Like a viewer who watched the Zaputer film and sees something no one else has seen before, someone has finally cracked the code.  

Well, I gotta be honest.  Part of me really likes this magic bullet theory because I get to be the lone gunman and it makes me look pretty good.  But, that’s way too self-gratifying and delusional.  It’s a fun idea to play with, but, and I do mean but, I think it’s all just wishful thinking on my part. 

Why would Shakespeare care about some random person in the future?  Why put in all the time to create a puzzle at all?  It simply just doesn’t make much sense.  If this was Shakespeare’s plan, it’s a strange plan.  Furthermore, my decade and a half long journey is an interesting story, but it’s also not the purpose of the podcast.  Someday, if people want to hear my story, I’ll share it.  In the meantime, I prefer to stay on topic.  Ultimately, I don’t think Shakespeare was testing us, and I don’t think I’m the one to complete his secret quest.  

Additionally, it's also pretty optimistic to assume that Shakespeare would have known his poems would remain popular for 400+ years.  To us, yes, this is indisputable.  We have the hindsight of history to prove Shakespeare is the greatest writer in the history of the English Language, but no artist can really know what their legacy will be.  The test of time is both cruel and hard to predict.

Ultimately, the Easter Egg theory deserves a mention but it’s just a silly idea.  Compared to the various authorship theories, the ones where they debate whether or not Shakespeare was Shakespeare, I want to ask: is the Easter Egg theory more or less likely?  I don’t know how to rank them, but both feel unlikely.  However, I would love to take the Secret Structure to the Authorship Skeptics at some point.  How does this new idea fit into their theories?

Regardless, this is an episode I had to make, and now it’s our couplet time.  I needed to address some popular conspiracy theories and create some new ones.  Maybe you like my tinfoil cap musings.  Maybe you think they’re bonkers.  Maybe you want to mix and match them.  Maybe you have a better idea.  All of those options are okay.  If you’ve got a better idea, I want to know it.  I have no idea what the eventual consensus will become, but these are my thoughts on the matter.

As a reminder, the website for the podcast is sonnetspodcast.com, and my email is sonnetspodcast@gmail.com.

In the next episode, I’m going to talk about what it was like to watch Elizabethian theater.  I believe this gives us great insight into the Sonnets.  In modern times, we lump Renaissance poetry and theater together as similar artforms that were equally sophisticated.  Well, that’s just not correct.  It’s pretty easy to see that being a poet and a playwright were two very different things during the Renaissance and I’ll explore that next time.